Christmas and 18 month Jude

Ella and Brent were in the Clark Farm live nativity yesterday and we went and saw them. it was cold. but beautiful. ella said she did not enjoy it. lol. she was a shepherd and just sat on a bale of hay for an hour and every few minutes pet the sheep she was sitting by. 

Jude turned 18 months on December 12. He doesn't say much, but here is what he does:

-waves goodbye to me when he leaves my bedroom in the morning to go visit Ella in her bedroom

-says, Uh oh when he or anyone drops something. he forms his mouth in a pronounced little o shape.

-says, Thank you when you give him something. 

-will do a neigh sound when he sees a horse or plays with a horse

-can do a quack sound for a duck! he cant say the q sound, but he does the ending!

-loves playing in the water in the sink or bathtub. loves pouring and transferring water and other little things like marbles or puzzle pieces or oats or rice from one cup or bowl to another.

-will climb up on the couch and give me the remote to turn on ms rachel on netflix. then pat the couch next to him for me to sit down

-likes playing with lego people, especially the little horses. and of course will neigh. he will do like a come here motion with his hand for me to sit by him.

-he can say no! he will say it, but it kind of has an a sound instead of an o sound. he will also shake his head no if he doesn't want something.

-always sucks his thumb and clutches his blue blanky to go to sleep

 

might I be pregnant?!

 Hello. Self. Brent and I have been trying to get pregnant since June of 2025. Based purely on my desire to have a little buddy for Jude- which is a little debatable in its validity of a reason. 

No dice since June. However now, I am feeling some feelings that make me wonder, am I? of course I think this every month. This months feelings:

-feeling nauseous when I have low blood sugar

-I ovulated several days early which feels notable for some reason. but it really isn't?

-I'm hungry and its very early in the morning. that feels unusual.

-tired. but this happens every month. this is not unusual to this month and the above reasons are. Jude wakes up usually 2x a night. so it makes sense. I go to bed 11pm ish or so sometimes midnight. wake up 1am and 530am usually to get a Jude a bottle. Then fully awake sometimes between 7-8am and sometimes I just stay awake after the 530 wake up. 

This is unrelated to the pregnancy thoughts, but I am out of a pump at the moment and going MDI. I went very low yesterday. 31. very unpleasant for all involved. then rocketed to very high. 330. stayed in the 150s most of the night, which frankly was better than i expected given no lantus. but cant be good for me. My plan was to back up on the dash pump since i have a lot of them in storage, but i can't get the Dash pdm to turn on. bother. so humalog shots it is. The companies are kindly overnighting me some emergency omnipod 5 pumps and a new PDM. but i wont get them for another day i think. so now im researching the complicated interwebs about using my dash pumps with the DIY algorithm called Loop. But it is intense. you must build your own app. theres a lot of information to sift through. we shall see. though i have been wanting to try it out for a while. my current14 day blood sugar average is 130 or so, sometimes 120. but i want around 100 would be ideal. 

***update, i wasn't pregnant. lol. its fine.

15 month Jude things

Look at him hanging from the gymnastics bar!! I don't know if all babies can do this, but it is so cute. We had his 15 month doctor appointment today and it seems like he is a bit delayed in talking. He rarely says mama- and its debatable if that is what he is saying. But he DEFINITELY has said thank you multiple times in this darling rather inaudible way that sounds something like eng-oo. But other than that he is growing in all the usual ways. Poor little guy had 4 shots and it was so sad. I cried a little. and thats fine.

more after the jump:

a little, ok maybe a lot, of something after all this time

 So many things have happened since Jude was born. of course. close to 15 months ago. Looking back through all the photos makes me feel very grateful for a loving family and kind life and may I say, such beautiful children. Lucy was baptized the same day as Jude was blessed. I remember it being a really lovely day full of the warmth of God's love and family love. I entered the church a smidge later than I was wanting and there wasn't enough room to sit with my own Dunn family! So I squeezed in by Kathy and the Mouritsens. I don't quite know if this is kosher, but we shall do it anyhow, this is what I remembered of Brent's lovely baby blessing of Jude:

Testimony of Jesus Christ, grow to know Him and believe in Him. He is the Savior of the world and your personal Savior that through atoning power you will grow line upon line into a man of God that you were sent to be. Bless you to know who you are- a son of God. Plaed on this earth to learn and grow and serve. bless you with charity to others. You were blessed with a great mother with empathy and kindness. Blessed with great grandparents love of missionary work, family history and the temple. Bless you to be willing to share the good news of Christ with others and to learn of the work that your Father in Heaven has for you as His son and a holder of the priesthood. Bless you with humility to learn from you parents and siblings. Bless you with obedience to the laws of God. and most importantly, bless you to experience the grace of the Savior.

Lucy's baptism was simply superb. My brother John said the closing prayer and it felt so John as he started the prayer with a Hello Heavenly Father! 

I felt a lot of the Savior's love and I think Lucy did too. at the end of the day she was in tears because she didn't want to day to end. 

more after the jump:

Baby Jude, A Birth Story

He was born on June 12, 2024. 6/12/24. A fun date for a birthday and makes it easier for me to remember when I'm talking to the pediatricians office on the phone... but now it's September and I'm writing it down. It was a lot for me emotionally. I prepared so much for a VBAC birth by listening to hours of birth podcasts, walking often, constantly managing my blood sugars to reduce the risk of early induction. But, once I was at the hospital, I didn't quite know how to make the VBAC happen without contradicting what the hospital wanted to do (pitocin induction) and basically I was too scared my body couldn't handle all of labor (so I got an epidural). 

Jude is such a beautiful and well mannered lil baby! and I'm so glad because postpartum has been challenging enough for me mentally as it is. I cant imagine the additional mental stress if he was colicky.

All through the May non stress tests, my amniotic fluid levels were great (8.8, 8.19, 11), baby movement great, passing all the heart rate increase requirements in a non stress test, and blood pressure was great.

May 21 - 35 weeks, blood pressure 123/68

May 28- 36 weeks 117/23

May 31- 37 weeks 120/73

June 4- 38 weeks 119/77

then June 7, at my OB appt, blood pressure 136/80 and a recheck a bit later at that same appointment, 124 over something

My OB, Theresa Kurtz had fully supported a VBAC after 2 c sections, which I was pleased about. She seemed very impressed with my blood sugar, I was taking baby aspirin every day to prevent pre-eclampsia. She noted that we would try not to induce at all (which, granted, was nicer than at Ella's birth when the hospital required a 39 week induction) but if my blood pressure was high she would recommend we induce- but I was sensing that seemed unlikely due to my great health! Everyone was praising me for my blood sugars. I'd like to blame her for not properly warning me that she thought my pressure going high was likely, but that's probably not fair? I don't know. and wish I did.

June 11- 38 weeks 4 days. 137/84

10:45am Went in for my non stress test- which went great, baby moving, except for my high blood pressure. re check, 138/79. another re check a bit later, 134/98. Went in for ultrasound, measuring good. Estimated weight at 6lbs 14oz. the doctor there that day was worried about elevated bp and made a call to Dr. Kurtz. When relaying the message to me of what she said, she suggested staying that day and being induced, he said thats what Dr Kurtz expected to happen- and I felt offended. 

She had not used the word "expected" with me! and I felt blindsided. and annoyed. The baby was moving great, I felt fine, and I didn't want to be induced as that reduces the possibility of a VBAC.  at 2pm, 151/98. Kathy had come with me to this doctors appointment and was so reassuring. 

The nurses were getting me ready to stay at the hospital and it felt surreal knowing my baby would arrive soon and I felt bothered, weak minded, and useless because it wasn't how I wanted it to go. But I didn't feel brave enough to refuse an induction because-- was that safe? feeling like I wasn't brave for my own birth made me feel sad and small. So of course I was teary- and annoyed at feeling so. So many feelings! 

I was quite hungry and the nurses said I couldn't eat if I was being induced- which made me angry also! Dr Kurtz had said I could eat anytime, even if being induced, up until I had an epidural! But she must've gotten confused at the hospital rules, as she works at both the Univ. of Utah hospital and this one (Imed, in Murray) and they had different rules (my angel nurse told me this later. She also works at both hospitals). I hadn't even started pitocin yet, in hindsight, I wish I would've eaten lunch first, then gone in to start induction. and been more patient. 

2:40pm pitocin started at 1. 

thankfully I was 3cm dilated and didn't need a foley balloon catheter to help the induction. only pitocin. my podcasts had told me to go "low and slow" with the pitocin, but I realized I didn't actually know what levels were considered low and slow! The goal was to achieve contractions 4-5 minutes apart, and stall pitocin levels at that point. 

3:19pm 136/90 pitocin up to 3

4:45pm 180/95 

it got so high at this point I believe because I was arguing with the nurse about eating. because-

4:55pm 139/91 

5 something pm pitocin up to to 5

7pm pitocin 7 (the highest it goes is 20)

7:57pm 123/79

8:09pm I got wireless heart rate and contraction monitors- called Monica Monitors. My nurse was so supportive of them and they were night and day better. I could move around so easily and wasn't tethered. 

8:30pm 137/77

9pm pitocin 11

12am-1:30am tough contractions 3-4min apart- dilated 4cm

2:10am ish epidural

pops in my back, shivering, crying!, old guy anesthesiologist

2:40am resident broke bulging water, almost 5cm 90% effaced. But a nurse checked also and said 5 almost 6cm and 100% effaced.

3am switched to insulin drip-104 blood sugar

slight heart rate dips on contrations- head pushing against cervix

got more epidural. shivery. legs tense. tried massage. nurse was like what is this.

rested. woke up to baby's heart low, flipped on all fours. My legs were dead weights. tree trunks. didn't work to elevate heart rate. wheeled me to the O.R.

Heart rate came back up then down again. Dr. Hammad asked if I wanted to keep laboring. But then the heart rate would decel and he recommended a c section. I said yes. I was glad he recommended it because my body did not feel fit to get to 10cm and then push. So shivery. no stregth because I was so numb.couldn't move a thing or push. nauseas. 

Baby deilvered by c section 5:14am. Wrapped and Brent had him right by my face. I felt such relief. His eyes were open and his mouth would open and close like he was ready to nurse right away. placenta abruption. I remember Dr. Ahmed saying it's spraying everything. I felt A LOT of tugging. was so scary. 

Wheeled back to room in the beautiful morning light. The nurse placed him on my chest, skin to skin, and he latched right away to eat. Brent played the Beatles Hey Jude on repeat. My angel nurse was so nice to me. we did the vaccine in his eyes and the vitamin K shot (these are required by Utah law I'm pretty sure, not that I'm an anti vaxxer, but I just didn't want this tiny baby given stuff so soon), but waited for the Hepatitis vaccine till his 2 month pediatrician appointment. 

England Trip 2022

Seeing Thellie was wonderful- it was sweet to see Lucy offer her a chocolate or ask if she wanted to sit with us for dinner. It was an unexpected exciting thing to find the clothesline- I did several loads of wash at thellie's and Ella and I would stretch out the line in the back garden in the breeze and clohespin all the things on it- it was like therapeutic.

On the flight home, there were no sick bags in the seat pockets. Every once in a while I need one, so I saved a pretzel bag in case it was needed. And boy was it needed. Lucy felt like she was about to throw up right when we landed, so I quickly handed it to her. It was like 4 or 5 rounds of sick. and it started to drip out the bag, so I quickly started holding it in my hands over the aisle- I felt like a supermom. Meanwhile, Ella starts crying profusely because she is so grossed out by the situation, immediately followed by patronizing exasperation, "I can't believe Lucy would throw up! That is so disgusting of her. Get it away!" 

The lady behind me offers gum. We take it. I offer one to Lucy- Ella is annoyed that I am even offering the mint gum to her sister because she thinks its for her! The flight attendant gives us a bag. Ella is offended that I didn't ask for a tissue because she was crying. 

Lucy finishes, smiles, smells her breath in her hand, and says, "not too bad."

the girls, and all of us loved the double decker buses. we rode on them in Norwich quite a bit, and took a open air double decker around London to tour it. It was embarrassingly touristy, but SUCH a good choice. our girls didn't complain about walking and we could see everything. 

These were the ancient ruins called Thetford Priory, it was a monastery hundreds of years ago. The girls climbed all over it and it was a nice break on our long drive from Norwich to London. I love ruins they are so ... romantic? like in a dreamy super old, mysterious, fantastical sort of way?

We rented this electric boat on the Wensom river in Norwich. it wasn't as cool as we had hoped. we wanted to sail by the city, but we didn't rent it long enough to sail all the way over there. instead we passed by a sewage outlet that was very stinky. and a lot of nice trees as well- but still underwhelming. 

Now that I home, I feel a bit anxious that whenever I try to teach important life lessons- ella always in annoyed by it. i guess that is fairly normal- but at only 8 years old?! i guess i expected it more from a teenager. 

Some good trips, and a wonderful christmas

 

Park City, UT Family Photos

 

Summer Time

 

I'm seeing the girls personalities more and more. Lucy had her dance performance about a month ago and she was just the sweetest- eager to to perform. Showing all sorts of spunk. And almost more endearingly, she was so supportive of the other dances. After her dance, she was sitting with me watching the others and she would hoot and holler for them! and then with private oo's and ahh's to me saying how beautiful they were. It makes me tear up just thinking about her confidence she must have in herself to be so in other's corners without being jealous.

Ella is so creative and cool. And practically seems a teenager to me, what with her choker necklaces and stylish outfits she picks herself and a bit of a too cool for school attitude at times. Plus she's both annoyingly independent - not trusting my friend advice or practically any of my advice - and a bit attached to me- not hardly wanting to spend a second apart from me at the pool for instance. Both sweet and tender and again- a hair annoying at times. Though i really shouldn't be annoyed at all- I should treasure it.

She also lost her tooth!! It was hanging on for dear life for a while- she could even turn it so the back of the tooth was facing forward while still stuck in!

At nights, after the sun goes down just a bit, we sit outside. look at this sunset! Its a tricky time though because its at about 8pm that the sun goes down enough for it not to be too hot in the front yard- and by that time I want the girls in bed, not outside playing, even though it seems a shame for them not to be because its so lovely in the summer night time. I should probably tell bed time to be damned because I won't get their childhood back. is that what I should say?

I showed the girls the movie Freaky Friday with Lindsay Lohan in it- the day or two after, I regretted showing them that because Ella would argue with me like a Lindsay Lohan teenager and it was a bit roll your eyes frustrating. But, it has also brought about this rock n roll phase. Lucy is using our rock band pretend guitar to do many a full out rock concert and she constantly throws up the rock n roll hand sign! haha its pretty fun. thankfully Lucy doesn't copy the 'arguing-with-your-mom' stuff the movie showed :)

NC Trip and Spring

I loved taking my kids to the beach! Ella especially loved it so much. She loved boogie boarding, the ocean, rocking her cool swimsuit, and on the last day she collected so many shells and after convincing me with tears, brought them all home. 

Every time I go on vacation, and NC is no exception, I am mesmerized by the difference in plants and landscape from Grantsville, Utah. The trees were SO TALL in North Carolina. It is amazing and so beautiful. We went to this nature preserve. We also found some poison ivy, which made me a bit paranoid about the girls going off the path, to the bummer of everyone. Thankfully no one got poison ivy! Phew! 

I tried to really explain Easter to the girls this year. I even got this paper cut out easter story- basically like a nativity scene but with easter figures. Lucy took to it. We also loved decorating eggs with this cool spinny egg decorator gadget. 

Lucy thriving at dance gives me so much joy! 

We loved the beach and we loved getting to see our family, including you Eleanor! It was so sweet.

Outdoors

Today we had church at home and played outside at my inlaws house- they have such a nice yard and its making me so excited for ours. We have started doing our yard- and by that, I mean, we paid someone else to start on our yard. There are trenches in the front yard that are dug for irrigation and we also have a tractor sitting in our backyard. 

I feel some anxiety about Ella's school. She is in first grade, goes to school in person mon- thurs. She kinda likes school- but I'm always questioning- could I do a better job of teaching her at home? I probably could with some things- but I'm just not disciplined enough and it seems so hard! It's hard to always do whats best for your kids. I doubt I'll ever go through with home schooling but I do think about it sometimes.
 

Christmas Cheer

We put up Christmas lights on our house for the first time in our marriage and it is lovely. It also matches our neighbors lights and so it kind of feels like we have more lights than we do. Bonus. Brent spent all day on the roof attaching them- what a brave guy. Can you imagine breaking his back for something as frivolous as Christmas lights? I was reigning in those sorts of thoughts all day. 

Brent also said after he was done that thinking about getting up on the roof again to take them down made him a bit nauseous. Yikes.

The girls don’t play as often on our cute hand me down piano as maybe they should- mainly because it’s in brents office so they don’t play it during the day or it’s too obnoxious. But now, they’ve kind of forgotten about it in general because it’s out of sight out of mind. Which really is a shame now I’m thinking on it. Anyway- Lucy got a hankering for a little song the other day- and the light was so lovely coming in from the window outlining her hair and highlighting her little 4 year old voice and made up song- it was a sweet mom moment. 

We got a couch upgrade. It’s a Lovesac sectional. While i won’t pretend i love it as a stylistic choice- is a crushed velvet gigantic sofa- it is super comfy and spacious and doubles as a kid playground. As well as how we can configure it into different shapes as it’s a modular sofa. It is really nice.

Christmas is so soon! Christmas lights have been really magical this year for me- there are so many in grantsville!  and seeing Lucy play with the nativity scenes so much. I’m nervous about Christmas Day living up to the hype. But i always seem to be nervous about that. It’s been a good Christmas though all in all. I have a lot to be grateful for.

 

Halloween 2020

 

We went trick or treating in Orem with my parents and it was perfect. I was so pleased because the girls knew what costumes they wanted and didnt change their minds once! i was impressed. We didn't knock on any doors (actually, Lucy knocked on one, but was pretty scared about it) but we just grabbed the candy from people's porches in bowls and it was excellent.

Lucy was a fairy princess for her pre school halloween parade. She was pretty excited! But when she did the parade she just held onto her teachers hand and cried. It was so pitiful! Poor thing. Stage fright I think was the issue. But she did love her school halloween party, thankfully.

Our cat got into some sort of fight or something when he was outside and now he has this a huge crater of a cut. It is nasty. Before it was a cut, it was a bump on his back and he hardly moved for days. Now he is walking and whatnot but his cut is there and I hope it heals quick.