might I be pregnant?!

 Hello. Self. Brent and I have been trying to get pregnant since June of 2025. Based purely on my desire to have a little buddy for Jude- which is a little debatable in its validity of a reason. 

No dice since June. However now, I am feeling some feelings that make me wonder, am I? of course I think this every month. This months feelings:

-feeling nauseous when I have low blood sugar

-I ovulated several days early which feels notable for some reason. but it really isn't?

-I'm hungry and its very early in the morning. that feels unusual.

-tired. but this happens every month. this is not unusual to this month and the above reasons are. Jude wakes up usually 2x a night. so it makes sense. I go to bed 11pm ish or so sometimes midnight. wake up 1am and 530am usually to get a Jude a bottle. Then fully awake sometimes between 7-8am and sometimes I just stay awake after the 530 wake up. 

This is unrelated to the pregnancy thoughts, but I am out of a pump at the moment and going MDI. I went very low yesterday. 31. very unpleasant for all involved. then rocketed to very high. 330. stayed in the 150s most of the night, which frankly was better than i expected given no lantus. but cant be good for me. My plan was to back up on the dash pump since i have a lot of them in storage, but i can't get the Dash pdm to turn on. bother. so humalog shots it is. The companies are kindly overnighting me some emergency omnipod 5 pumps and a new PDM. but i wont get them for another day i think. so now im researching the complicated interwebs about using my dash pumps with the DIY algorithm called Loop. But it is intense. you must build your own app. theres a lot of information to sift through. we shall see. though i have been wanting to try it out for a while. my current14 day blood sugar average is 130 or so, sometimes 120. but i want around 100 would be ideal. 

15 month Jude things

Look at him hanging from the gymnastics bar!! I don't know if all babies can do this, but it is so cute. We had his 15 month doctor appointment today and it seems like he is a bit delayed in talking. He rarely says mama- and its debatable if that is what he is saying. But he DEFINITELY has said thank you multiple times in this darling rather inaudible way that sounds something like eng-oo. But other than that he is growing in all the usual ways. Poor little guy had 4 shots and it was so sad. I cried a little. and thats fine.

more after the jump:

a little, ok maybe a lot, of something after all this time

 So many things have happened since Jude was born. of course. close to 15 months ago. Looking back through all the photos makes me feel very grateful for a loving family and kind life and may I say, such beautiful children. Lucy was baptized the same day as Jude was blessed. I remember it being a really lovely day full of the warmth of God's love and family love. I entered the church a smidge later than I was wanting and there wasn't enough room to sit with my own Dunn family! So I squeezed in by Kathy and the Mouritsens. I don't quite know if this is kosher, but we shall do it anyhow, this is what I remembered of Brent's lovely baby blessing of Jude:

Testimony of Jesus Christ, grow to know Him and believe in Him. He is the Savior of the world and your personal Savior that through atoning power you will grow line upon line into a man of God that you were sent to be. Bless you to know who you are- a son of God. Plaed on this earth to learn and grow and serve. bless you with charity to others. You were blessed with a great mother with empathy and kindness. Blessed with great grandparents love of missionary work, family history and the temple. Bless you to be willing to share the good news of Christ with others and to learn of the work that your Father in Heaven has for you as His son and a holder of the priesthood. Bless you with humility to learn from you parents and siblings. Bless you with obedience to the laws of God. and most importantly, bless you to experience the grace of the Savior.

Lucy's baptism was simply superb. My brother John said the closing prayer and it felt so John as he started the prayer with a Hello Heavenly Father! 

I felt a lot of the Savior's love and I think Lucy did too. at the end of the day she was in tears because she didn't want to day to end. 

more after the jump:

Baby Jude, A Birth Story

He was born on June 12, 2024. 6/12/24. A fun date for a birthday and makes it easier for me to remember when I'm talking to the pediatricians office on the phone... but now it's September and I'm writing it down. It was a lot for me emotionally. I prepared so much for a VBAC birth by listening to hours of birth podcasts, walking often, constantly managing my blood sugars to reduce the risk of early induction. But, once I was at the hospital, I didn't quite know how to make the VBAC happen without contradicting what the hospital wanted to do (pitocin induction) and basically I was too scared my body couldn't handle all of labor (so I got an epidural). 

Jude is such a beautiful and well mannered lil baby! and I'm so glad because postpartum has been challenging enough for me mentally as it is. I cant imagine the additional mental stress if he was colicky.

All through the May non stress tests, my amniotic fluid levels were great (8.8, 8.19, 11), baby movement great, passing all the heart rate increase requirements in a non stress test, and blood pressure was great.

May 21 - 35 weeks, blood pressure 123/68

May 28- 36 weeks 117/23

May 31- 37 weeks 120/73

June 4- 38 weeks 119/77

then June 7, at my OB appt, blood pressure 136/80 and a recheck a bit later at that same appointment, 124 over something

My OB, Theresa Kurtz had fully supported a VBAC after 2 c sections, which I was pleased about. She seemed very impressed with my blood sugar, I was taking baby aspirin every day to prevent pre-eclampsia. She noted that we would try not to induce at all (which, granted, was nicer than at Ella's birth when the hospital required a 39 week induction) but if my blood pressure was high she would recommend we induce- but I was sensing that seemed unlikely due to my great health! Everyone was praising me for my blood sugars. I'd like to blame her for not properly warning me that she thought my pressure going high was likely, but that's probably not fair? I don't know. and wish I did.

June 11- 38 weeks 4 days. 137/84

10:45am Went in for my non stress test- which went great, baby moving, except for my high blood pressure. re check, 138/79. another re check a bit later, 134/98. Went in for ultrasound, measuring good. Estimated weight at 6lbs 14oz. the doctor there that day was worried about elevated bp and made a call to Dr. Kurtz. When relaying the message to me of what she said, she suggested staying that day and being induced, he said thats what Dr Kurtz expected to happen- and I felt offended. 

She had not used the word "expected" with me! and I felt blindsided. and annoyed. The baby was moving great, I felt fine, and I didn't want to be induced as that reduces the possibility of a VBAC.  at 2pm, 151/98. Kathy had come with me to this doctors appointment and was so reassuring. 

The nurses were getting me ready to stay at the hospital and it felt surreal knowing my baby would arrive soon and I felt bothered, weak minded, and useless because it wasn't how I wanted it to go. But I didn't feel brave enough to refuse an induction because-- was that safe? feeling like I wasn't brave for my own birth made me feel sad and small. So of course I was teary- and annoyed at feeling so. So many feelings! 

I was quite hungry and the nurses said I couldn't eat if I was being induced- which made me angry also! Dr Kurtz had said I could eat anytime, even if being induced, up until I had an epidural! But she must've gotten confused at the hospital rules, as she works at both the Univ. of Utah hospital and this one (Imed, in Murray) and they had different rules (my angel nurse told me this later. She also works at both hospitals). I hadn't even started pitocin yet, in hindsight, I wish I would've eaten lunch first, then gone in to start induction. and been more patient. 

2:40pm pitocin started at 1. 

thankfully I was 3cm dilated and didn't need a foley balloon catheter to help the induction. only pitocin. my podcasts had told me to go "low and slow" with the pitocin, but I realized I didn't actually know what levels were considered low and slow! The goal was to achieve contractions 4-5 minutes apart, and stall pitocin levels at that point. 

3:19pm 136/90 pitocin up to 3

4:45pm 180/95 

it got so high at this point I believe because I was arguing with the nurse about eating. because-

4:55pm 139/91 

5 something pm pitocin up to to 5

7pm pitocin 7 (the highest it goes is 20)

7:57pm 123/79

8:09pm I got wireless heart rate and contraction monitors- called Monica Monitors. My nurse was so supportive of them and they were night and day better. I could move around so easily and wasn't tethered. 

8:30pm 137/77

9pm pitocin 11

12am-1:30am tough contractions 3-4min apart- dilated 4cm

2:10am ish epidural

pops in my back, shivering, crying!, old guy anesthesiologist

2:40am resident broke bulging water, almost 5cm 90% effaced. But a nurse checked also and said 5 almost 6cm and 100% effaced.

3am switched to insulin drip-104 blood sugar

slight heart rate dips on contrations- head pushing against cervix

got more epidural. shivery. legs tense. tried massage. nurse was like what is this.

rested. woke up to baby's heart low, flipped on all fours. My legs were dead weights. tree trunks. didn't work to elevate heart rate. wheeled me to the O.R.

Heart rate came back up then down again. Dr. Hammad asked if I wanted to keep laboring. But then the heart rate would decel and he recommended a c section. I said yes. I was glad he recommended it because my body did not feel fit to get to 10cm and then push. So shivery. no stregth because I was so numb.couldn't move a thing or push. nauseas. 

Baby deilvered by c section 5:14am. Wrapped and Brent had him right by my face. I felt such relief. His eyes were open and his mouth would open and close like he was ready to nurse right away. placenta abruption. I remember Dr. Ahmed saying it's spraying everything. I felt A LOT of tugging. was so scary. 

Wheeled back to room in the beautiful morning light. The nurse placed him on my chest, skin to skin, and he latched right away to eat. Brent played the Beatles Hey Jude on repeat. My angel nurse was so nice to me. we did the vaccine in his eyes and the vitamin K shot (these are required by Utah law I'm pretty sure, not that I'm an anti vaxxer, but I just didn't want this tiny baby given stuff so soon), but waited for the Hepatitis vaccine till his 2 month pediatrician appointment.