My thoughts

when will this baby be born? PLEASE GET OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW. every time I go to the bathroom, I think to myself, is this my water breaking or a normal bathroom situation?
Will she be too big or too little or just right?
Will I just end up having another c section?
how many frozen pizzas should I buy to prepare for having two kids?
How necessary are these baby booties that promise to stay on way better than socks? I mean, it will be getting cold soon. How cold is cold enough to buy these booties? How often will baby be wearing non footed pajamas to warrant this purchase? Why am I thinking so much about this. buy the stupid booties or don't buy them, and get over it.
How necessary are these adult booties? They pop up in ads all the time on social media and they always look so cute. They are not necessary. I will not buy them.
Why won't Ella wear a jacket in the morning when its cold? I tell myself, don't stress about it. It's not cold enough at all where anything bad will happen if she doesn't wear it- so it really doesn't matter.
I'm not keeping up with any television shows right now. How is that even possible? I don't remember the last time that happened. I've been hearing of some good ones - "Stranger Things" for instance on Netflix, but I weirdly don't have the patience to start.
I bought peaches from a farmers market stand the other day- and they are some of the most delightful things I have eaten in a long long while.
I am so blessed and lucky to have my parents living so close to me. They are such generous parents and grandparents. I love that my experience with my grandparents was so good as a child (running around in their gardens and picking fresh figs and green beans and seeing lizards and spiders on their porch and loving their company- thanks Granny Phoebe) and Ella is doing those same sorts of things with my parents- vegetables and wildlife and company included.

Pregnancy Comparisons, Worries

Pregnancy is really poopy at the moment. The normal complaints, swelling feet, hurts to move, cant hold Ella for very long, hard to lay down, hard to get up, hard to keep up with Ella in general, you know.

It is interesting to compare bumps with Ella. I've gained around the same weight it seems. around 40 lbs or so, but it does seem all in the bump and not as much all around.

I did have an emergency c-section the first time, and I'm in the green to go for a VBAC this time around. The only catch, I have to basically go into labor naturally before 39 weeks (because of diabetes, I have to delivery by 39 weeks), otherwise I'll just have another scheduled c section. Maybe if I'm a little farther along dilation and effacement wise, they'll induce me before 39 weeks, but it seems the doctors don't love that idea. Induction increases the chance of my c section scar bursting open. We'll see how it goes. I've been having non-stress tests twice a week where they measure baby's heart rate and make sure it goes up when the baby moves and NOT down when/if I have a contraction. They've been going pretty well. Also, my belly is so so so itchy, so they've taken blood to see if I have chloestasis, a liver condition that can affect baby. It's not likely, as the itching isn't on my hands and feet (the usual symptoms) but the doctors wanted to check anyway. I'll get those results soon.

Having two kids is frightening. Brent thinks I get overwhelmed a lot with just one. Which is a little offensive. But sometimes true. I just cry a lot- so its super obvious I'm overwhelmed. I MEAN THATS NORMAL RIGHT IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC. Being overwhelmed is very natural- being so pregnant with an irrational toddler, but I just wish I wouldn't express being overwhelmed by crying. It's so obvious and public.