Haircut and Thoughts

My hair has been chopped and I feel like a new lady. its taken a while for me to get used to it, but now I like it quite a bit!

My thoughts lately:
- I'm annoyed that I feel like I'm tiptoeing around Ella's feelings. Everything I say it seems she cries and its so sad. I started feeling this way after a week or two ago when she had a nervous breakdown (or so it seemed? I'm not quite sure how to classify it and how far within or without the "normal toddler emotional range" it was...) about another girl at the park having a Belle dress that she wanted. It escalated (perhaps because we were with a group of friends at the park? the pressure?) when I told her she had to walk to the car herself- as I had some stuff in my hands. She was crying and couldn't breathe well and starting pulling her hair... and then yelled that she wanted another mom. I mean. It was just terrible. It leaves me questioning every aspect of my parenting!

-The weather is fantastic the last few days. we've been doing bike rides and playing outside with our neighbor kids which is therapeutic when the breeze is nice and the air smells spring-ish

-I'm eating ALL THE THINGS. yikes.

- Ella has swiped this fluffy vest from Lucy's closet and is pairing it with everything. kid's style choices are so heartwarming

To Granny Phoebe

All growing up, we would have family dinners at my grandparents house. Granny Phoebe was an excellent cook. She made the best homemade biscuits, spaghetti sauce that always had a secret ingredient that didn't stay secret for long (she would say, now this sauce has a special ingredient. can any of you guess what it is? ( it was grated apple!), peanut butter fudge- this was AMAZING. unfortunately she stopped making it quickly after I found out I had diabetes... she knew I would eat a lot of it... a real tragedy! also- Granny always had a garden. When I was a kid she always grew green beans and would bottle them up. I LOVED her green beans. She would usually cook them with a piece of bacon or ham. They were amazing. Though- it was a pity when I first tasted canned green beans from the store- because frankly they tasted almost as good. I guess I really like green beans... 

Granny was always the one I could go to for the scoop on family members. She know a decent amount of dirt on people and was not afraid to share- to my pleasure! Also, she was so chatty in the best way. Her dinner prayers were so endearing because she would go on forever praying for this person and that person. When I was a kid I remember watching her put in her contacts and sort out her pills. It was nostalgic when she came to Utah I saw Ella watching her sort out her pills, rather interested.

It is so weird when someone you are close to passes away. Is it weird to post this stuff on a public blog about my grandma? too private? Maybe. She was and is a lovely lady.